April 12, 2010, 1:52PM
Accounts are just beginning to come in about a giant explosion near the News Corp offices on Manhattan's Sixth Avenue. Eyewitness reports are indicating that Glenn Beck's head exploded upon learning of 'Socialist' Mitt Romney's win at the Southern Republican Leadership Council meeting this weekend.
Reports are sketchy, but one eyewitness has reported seeing a large stain on the windows of the Fox News studios, the result of Beck's cranial detonation. A Fox news executive that wished to remain anonymous has told this reporter that no one was harmed in the blast, but that the studio was covered in a tapioca pudding like substance that staffers are assuming are the contents of Beck's skull. The executive also noted that Fox News' president, Roger Ailes is confident that most of the tapioca could be recovered and temporarily placed inside a melon, and that Beck would be on-air tonight as scheduled.
Insiders report that it was feared that Beck's mind couldn't handle the possibility of presumptive GOP presidential frontrunner, Mitt Romney being chosen as the Republican nominee in 2012, since Beck had recently branded Romney a 'Socialist' who was as unfit for the Presidency as Barack Obama. This event seems confirm that hypothesis.
It was assumed, since Beck's head had not exploded this weekend immediately after the results became public, that Beck had not heard the news. This news was also confirmed by an unnamed SLRC spokesperson who stated that since the SLRC was not paying speaking fees, Beck would have no inclination to attend the conference, and likely did not even know it had occurred.
More on this dramatic news as it comes in.
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